Where was I when Jesus came into my life?

In my childhood I remember attending Catholic services regularly.  Actually up until my middle school years it was a regular event.  The disconnect began then and continued until I was in my mid 30's.  I can't say I lost total contact with the church or my beliefs.

God kept knocking on my door telling me to come back to him. I was fifteen and traveling with my mother back from Korea and before her next duty station in Missouri. We met my grandmother in Hawaii for a vacation. During our stay we visited a Mormon church before its dedication. (That was God knocking on my door).  I could feel the spirit so much there but was afraid.  Missouri brought several changes to my life. I was raped by a classmate, dated and got pregnant by an older guy, discovered my body and had my first issues with depression. We attended services off and on during this time. But I made a friend.  A friend whose family was strong in faith. This family never knew it but they saved me by being there when my mother could not (at this time she was dealing with her own demons). My grandmother came to live with us as well. A very strong woman and strong in her own faith. She kept me tied to the church. I was struggling with being a young mother and peer pressure at school.

 It was then that we moved to Germany. I met two of the most influential teachers I have ever had at Nuremberg High School. They told me to investigate everything. Read for myself and make up my own mind.  I had always been an avid reader. But now it was more important to discover for myself the truth. I read the bible  quite a bit up until the time I met my first husband who practiced Islam.   I began trying to learn his religion to teach our children.  As I read it kept bringing me closer to God. I felt the battles of my life during this time. Living away from my family, being persecuted by his family (I would not blindly follow), verbally abused, depressed and alone. I thought this was how things were supposed to be.  We moved to Houston and things fell apart. I began revisiting my faith.

I met husband two and in him found a man strong in his own faith.  He had made the same discoveries and more.  Reading on all types of religion and faith.  That rubbed off on me and I really began to take interest in the church.  I became very ill during this time and the missionaries of the church visited me almost daily in the hospital and at home. I was baptized in the LDS faith.  But there were struggles with family, children, money, jobs and overall mental health. As our marriage ended and I began to figure out how to make myself a better person I began to read again. I started looking into positive influences about my faith. I worked with several people who had strong faith and during the time of my divorce were there for me. I moved home for several reasons money, felt lost, was dealing with a diagnosis of fybromyalgia and hated my job. I met several people at this point that encouraged my faith. I went back to school and changed jobs. Best thing I have ever done and it was all for me.  I took a leap of faith and prayed.  I wasn't a bible warrior at all but I was praying regularly. I was engaged, broke it off and continued to work on me. I met a few people but things weren't right. I met one who was right on so many levels but too far. But God keeps telling me don't count him out.

One day as I felt that all of my decisions were bad and I felt that I was losing it all a friend and I went to lunch after a class.  That day brought me to where I am today.  The lunch began and a stranger to me (not to my friend) walked up and began telling me that she had a message from God.  My friend left the table as this woman prophesied over me. She told me things I had only discussed with God. How I tried to end my life twice, how I was mad at my mother for letting me be abused, that I should forgive my mother, that a new manager did not want me there and was going to fire me the next day and that I should take my life into my hands and he final statement was that God would give me what I wanted if I worshiped. God only wanted that one thing from me.   I was crying at this time. On the way home my friend a devout Catholic told me that I should think about what the woman said. She had done the same thing with another friend of hers and her life changed.  I went home talked to my mom about the entire conversation. We cried and agreed to go to church together. The first day I went to Fallbrook it felt like home. I felt relaxed.  I was glad to have my mother there. The sermon spoke to everything I have felt on this journey. Although I do not go regularly I still watch on television every Sunday.  I can be better at studying the bible and will  I have made several leaps of faith since then and each time God catches me.  But this one day meeting this woman made me realize God has been hearing me all along. I invited him into my life. I ignored those who said I became so engrossed in religion. I have been all along.  I just did not talk about my faith.  I now share my testimony and there have been so many messages God has sent me that back then I ignored.  What made me write this today was my dream several days ago.  The devil sees me worshiping everywhere it gives him a headache.  God has told him that he cannot shake me and that he can try.  I know it will not work.  No matter when and where I will share all that God has and is doing in my life.

The devil visited me a few nights ago

Pastor John spoke on this very subject this morning. The enemy attacks worshipers. Worshipers change everything.

He came to me in a full-color dream. That I remember in great detail.

I was with Aaron walking into an event.  We saw two older women walking in the same empty parking lot with us. We were looking for the other attendees. No one was in sight. We walked around a dark corner and suddenly I was alone in the darkness. (this is something I would never do.  I would never walk around a strange place in the dark alone.) I found a small group of people with a few lights that put off a yellow glow.  The group told me I was close. I only need walk around the corner. I continued walking alone. The corner was a rounded corner, when I came to something strange. A group of hanging wicker chairs all done in white with a large and small bottle of liquor in each. I kept walking still alone. I heard voices behind me and saw a man and two young girls. The older of the girls wanted the man to take a picture of us together. I agreed. (Something I definitely would not do) He was a black man dressed all in black.  I could not really see his face as it was behind a camera. He was dressed in a black button-up shirt and black slacks.  He showed me the picture and they vanished. I found Aaron again as well as the attendees for the event.  Just like any fair or concert, there were trinkets for sale. I saw a 2 for 20 sign for necklaces. One was a medium purple and very gaudy. I wanted it immediately. I saw two more one a bright white and one an off white and gold. I was trying to ask Aaron which to choose and turned around to find myself alone again.  I was immediately attacked by this man in black. I struggled hard. I told him that I had him pinned. My arms and legs were wrapped around him fighting for my life. I was winning. Suddenly it was if he had an extra set of hands. He began to crush my skull telling me that he had much more to fight with. I could not breathe. I saw red gushing before my eyes as he told me I was bleeding out.  I woke up fighting for my breath. The top of my head hurt at the point where he crushed my skull. I had an intense headache.

What this says to me is exactly what Pastor John said today in his sermon at Lakewood.  God has been speaking my name to the devil.  Challenging the devil to try to shake me.  I am ready. My faith is strong. I have made it through so much and with worship will make it through much more.  The devil is going to take every opportunity to attack.  I will make every opportunity to worship. I may not be inside the four walls of a church. Nevertheless, I am in worship at every moment of the day.